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Favorite Humorous Quotes
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Zombie Hawk
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:15 pm    Post subject: Favorite Humorous Quotes Reply with quote

I did a search and could only find the "Life Quotes" topic, so I figured it would be best to start a new thread for this. Just post your favorite humorous quotes from movies, TV, friends, etc.

One of my favorites is said by Ronald Regan:

"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation that outlaws Russia. The bombing begins in five minutes."

Among my other favorites are:

"Now with more sodium! Sweet Jesus!" -Uh, I don't know

"Look, you stupid illegitimate child, you've got no arms left!" -King Arthur (Monty Python)

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" -French Knight (Monty Python)

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" -The Spanish Inquisition (Monty Python)

"Hey stupid, I brought you this stuff." -Homestar Runner

"These hardly qualify as pants!" -Blue Laser
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EmperorZombie
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The sodium quote is from the Rejected Cartoon, by Don Hertzefeldt.
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Jedd the Zombie
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, I have to get some terrific Bushisms out of the way before his reign of terror-err, term-ends.

"It is white" (educating a British child on the appearance of the White House)

"If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator"

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacfully"

"I know it is hard for you to put food on your family"

"I think we can agree, the past is over"

FAIL!

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life" - Brooke Shields

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese" - Charles de Gaulle, former French president.

"What's Walmart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff?" - Paris Hilton
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Last edited by Jedd the Zombie on Sat Dec 27, 2008 1:29 am; edited 1 time in total
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SW Lego Nerd



Joined: 13 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I'd love to stay and chat but you're a total fine young lady."

Stewie Griffin
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ZombieAndrew
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"This is a Fertile land and we will thrive...
(as stegosaurus): We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... This Land.
(as T-Rex): I think we should call it... your grave!
(as stegosaurus): Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
(as T-Rex): Ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!"

Also, the American Dad reference to this scene (2 weeks ago?) was pretty funny as well. Smile
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ConanTheLibrarian89



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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jedd the Jedi wrote:
"What's Walmart? Do they sell, like, wall stuff?" - Britney Spears


I'm certain that was Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie; that was one of the many topics covered on the first season of The Simple Life, which was hands down the biggest show for my eighth grade class.
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Jedd the Zombie
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 1:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're right, sorry. I had a list of quotes in front of me and mixed up Britney's and Paris'.
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Ironic, huh.

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Firespray
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"When this baby hits 88 mph, you're gonna see some serious poodoo." -Doc Brown

Razz
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Zombie Austin
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Dude, check it out, if I just allude to the swear word, I can say swear words on the forums! Even though it's technically a censor bypass... Huh. I should probably just censor it out completely rather than give the first letter so everyone can automatically read the swearword anyway!"
- Like seventeen people in this thread, srsly

This thread teeters dangerously close to a "What _____ do you _____?", but I'll allow it for the time being. Unless you guys keep up the censor bypassing. Then I'll lock it down so hard your (insert anatomical area of choice) will hurt for a week.
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James P. Zomblton
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.” - Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
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DestructiveZombie
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I believe, that what ever doesn't kill you, simply makes you..stranger."
-The Joker

"As you know, Madness, is like Gravity. All it needs is a little ..push."
-The Joker
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CommanderJake



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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The path of my life is strewn with the cowpats of the devil's own satanic herd!" - Edmund Blackadder II

"Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship." - Obi-Wan Kenobi
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CommanderJake



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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"The path of my life is strewn with the cowpats of the devil's own satanic herd!" - Edmund Blackadder II

"Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship." - Obi-Wan Kenobi
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11numnumnum
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Your mom is a classy lady!"
-Marcus Fenix in Penny Arcade

"You'll like this sort of thing if you're the sort of person who likes this sort of thing"
-Ronald Reagan

"All I want, are some sharks with frickin' laserbeams attached to their heads!"
-Dr. Evil

"Solutions are not the answer"
-Richard Nixon
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Jettbacca



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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of my favorites is from Paris Hilton after arriving in South Africa-

"I love South Africa. And West Africa. They're both great countries."
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DestructiveZombie
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Almost anything that comes out of her mouth is hilarious. Unless shes trying to be funny, then it's not. Wink
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Zekkbie
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.” - George Bush

“Most imports are from outside of the country” - George Bush

“There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.” - George Bush

“Our nation must come together to unite” - George Bush

“Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.” - George Bush

“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” - George Bush
Laughing
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Od Zombie
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"That's why I don't kiss em on the mouth." - Janye
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Zombie Hawk
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Austin wrote:

This thread teeters dangerously close to a "What _____ do you _____?", but I'll allow it for the time being. Unless you guys keep up the censor bypassing. Then I'll lock it down so hard your (insert anatomical area of choice) will hurt for a week.


Any thread can be a "What ____ do you ____?" thread if you word it correctly, come to think of it. Especially stuff like "What's your job?" and "If you could live anywhere...". Maybe we should just lock the whole Coffee Shop. Wink
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Zombie Austin
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The problem is, those threads get locked because they don't have any value beyond 'Type something you think is funny'. Which has a place, occasionally, but bulk numbers of threads like that are just terrible.

If the threads offer discussion, or something beyond the obvious, it's fantastic. But when it's like the old music thread was (namely, just post whatever song you're listening to right now), it becomes a waste of bandwidth.
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Zombie Hawk
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, you've got a good point.

11Numb wrote:

"You'll like this sort of thing if you're the sort of person who likes this sort of thing"
-Ronald Reagan

"All I want, are some sharks with frickin' laserbeams attached to their heads!"
-Dr. Evil


Now those two were funny. Laughing

Emperor wrote:
The sodium quote is from the Rejected Cartoon, by Don Hertzefeldt.


Yeah, I know, I just don't know what the guy(s) who said it were called/named. I usually just refer to them as "Raspberry guys".
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zombieboy
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I'd rather kiss a wookie"- Princess Leia

"where's my sunglasses"- Slash

"My god, all these privates have had their privates painted gold"- Austin Powers

and one more-
"sorry i farted"- Fat Basturd
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Jedd the Zombie
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zekk wrote:
“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.” - George Bush

“Most imports are from outside of the country” - George Bush

“There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.” - George Bush

“Our nation must come together to unite” - George Bush

“Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.” - George Bush

“One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” - George Bush
Laughing


Those Bushisms are made of win, some of the funniest things I've ever heard. The gaffes he's made can fill volumes.
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TK-425
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

donneyboy wrote:
"I'd rather kiss a wookie"- Princess Leia


Adding to that:

"I can arrange that" - Han Solo. Smile
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Zom-9
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like what I have below my signature. It's my favorite from Fawlty Towers. There's also...

"May I ask what you were expecting to see from a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydny opra house perhapse or the hanging gardens of Babylon"
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Lord Of Pies



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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Ich bin ein Berliner" which can translate as"I am a Jelly doughnut" in German -Wise words by JFK. (Although technically Kennedy was grammatically correct, it is still funny.)
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ZombieFlynn
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember the Eddie Izzard skit on that. Laughing

And all the people in Berlin were saying:
-Did he just say "I am a doughnut?"
-Yes, I think he did..
-What does it mean?
-Oh, it must be some new American slang- "Yeah, I'm a doughnut! I'm a frikin' dougnut! Yeah!"
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Zombie_Fisto
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2008 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

President Bush to the New York Giants during their post super bowl victory visit to the White House:
"I'd congradulate you on your victory but I'm from texas, the Dallas Cowboys are my home team. I guess we'll just have to bring in Jessica Simpson next year"
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JackFrZombie
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

woops. posted on the wrong account
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CommanderJake



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PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OOM-9 wrote:
"May I ask what you were expecting to see from a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney opera house perhaps, or the hanging gardens of Babylon"
Great herds of wilderbeast sweeping majestically across the plains?!? Wink

"He's not pinin'! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" - Mr Praline, Monty Python, the dead parrot sketch.

And JackFr, how many do you have? Laughing
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